He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
