we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
