you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
