My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
not ubering you a puppy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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