Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
