Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
