she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
