They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
