I'm lost and stupid without you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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