the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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