i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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