He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
