ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
then he tried to convert me to islam
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
