I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
