you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
