Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
