Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
