I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
