margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
