my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
