Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
