yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
