I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
