yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
