Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
