I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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