My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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