im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Enjoy the penises
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
