Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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