While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
