So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize