We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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