I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
