i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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