don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
