If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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