well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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