i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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