she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
