just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
These tits shall not be calmed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
