Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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