Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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