I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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