Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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