Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
