I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't turn off my feet"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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