I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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