You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
