i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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