I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
