just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
