I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize