I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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