Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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