I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
