I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
