Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you would pick up someone in the library
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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