she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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