people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
