Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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