thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
