i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
