as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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