you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
