careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
