Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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