im drinking this country out of the recession.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize