So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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