I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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