could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have aggressive nipples.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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