My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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