the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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