She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
